Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Getting bigger...

That's pretty much all that can be said of me at this time.  I am getting definitively bigger.  I am wearing maternity pants for the first time today.  I must say that maternity pants have come a long way in the past 7 years.  These pants have no panel - instead they have a zipper on each side and d-ring belt adjustments on each side.  Beneath the zipper is another stretchy piece of matching fabric.  The bigger you get the more you unzip each side and adjust the d-rings further out.  Pretty darn cool if you ask me. 

So, yesterday I got home from work.  Both the kids were with their dads and Bart wasn't home - I figured he had either gone running or gone to get something to eat.  I looked out the window to see if his car was out front and had to do a double take.  There in the front yard stood Bart talking to exii # 2.   Now there has been considerable tension between those 2 so I couldn't help but wonder about the chat fest in the front yard. 

Turns out ex was running late getting Jake and called Bart to see if he could get him.  He did and then ex came to the house to pick up Jake.  Everyone was extraordinarily civil and they even shook hands at parting.  Huh.  Who knew?  I think that was a BIG step for the both of them.  To know that they can actually look at each other without the primal desire to kill the other.  It's a start. 

Bye for now...

Thursday, July 22, 2004

These days are ahh ahh ahh ah ah happy days...

sing the title to the appropriate tune and then read on...

ok?  ok.

i am so happy.  yesterday i was pulled into a meeting with my divisional vp and was told that they have created a position with me in mind.  employee development.  this means no more selling  (angels sing, clouds part) and a salaried position (harps playing, children skipping) and better hours (someone get the smelling salts). 

oh happy, happy day.  the only catch is that it's a few months out but who the heck cares!  oh yippee!!!

btw, i feel much better the last 2 days.  still bloated beyond any comfort and bodily recognition but so much less nauseaous! 

morgan asked me the other day if i was pregnant - she was worried ab0ut asking in case i was just getting fat.  nice of her to be so thoughtful!  ;o) she seems excited.

well, gotta go...

(p.s. in case you didn't know, today is no capital letters day)

Monday, July 19, 2004

Must remember to write on a good day...

By now you must be weary of hearing how ill I am.  I'm weary of being ill so get over it!  Today has been a rough day.  No doubt punishment from the pizza I inhaled last night.  Pregnancy slows your digestion and I'm sure it's just sitting in there.  So, not doing so good today.  I got to hang out with Stacy for a few hours this weekend.  Wish it could have been longer.  Wish I didn't feel like such a lump on a log and could have enjoyed myself more.  Such is life.  Well, more later.

Friday, July 16, 2004

There's a baby in there!

It's official.  There IS a baby and it's little bitty heart was beating at 150 bpm.  At this point in time, the only thing distinguishable on the little guy/girl is the heart.  Those 2-d ultrasound images don't exactly allow you to see much detail.  Bart was right there with me holding my hand and his mouth was wide open.  He was amazed.  What a great feeling.  Thankfully, there is just one baby and they were very pleased at what they were looking at.  By my calculations the baby is at 7 w 3 d but by theirs it was 8 w 3 d.  Either way, that is a good thing.  It's bad if the baby measures smaller for their gestational age but bigger is a good thing!  I'm still feeling so much better with the help of the phenergan (?) but you'll be happy to hear that the good doctor has called me in some in pill form now that I may not puke them up.
Well, enough for now...

Thursday, July 15, 2004

All hail suppositories!

Okay, so I never really thought I would be touting the praises of a suppository. But when you are puking and when you're not you FEEL like puking - hey, I'll do what I have to do - OBVIOUSLY!

You should have seen me at the drive thru pharmacy - the teenage boy pharmacy tech asks me "Have you had this medication in the past?" I lied and said "YES!" The last thing I need is some guy telling me ok, well take one of these and shove it up your a** as needed. Um, I think I'll figure this one out on my own.

So, it DID help. This entire post can be filed under "TMI" but hey, it's my blog - it's my life.


Monday, July 12, 2004


Here I am, Monday morning. I spent all weekend in the house. I didn't leave at all. I have not been feeling well. I don't feel well now. That's pretty much all I have to say for now. That and ugggh.


Friday, July 09, 2004

Food I.V.

Maybe if I had an intravenous line of food it would be better. Let me break this down for you. If I get hungry, am full, or eat the wrong thing - I'm sick. If I am not constantly with food in my stomach - I am sick. BUT there is always only one thing or two on the globe that sound good at any given time so the process is challenging. For grins I should start writing about the food I'm eating. Let me begin by saying that yesterday I drank pickle juice. I'm not EVEN kidding. Today, that doesn't sound so great.

Today (it's 10:15am now)
2 pcs of wheat toast with peanut butter
Bagel with american cheese, tomato, and salt and pepper (THAT was really good!!)
2 peppermints
2 Rolaids
1 c. grape juice

It's not even noon yet. Sigh. It's going to be a long couple of months.


Thursday, July 08, 2004

Sweet Bart

After all that written venting of yesterday - last night I got home and Bart headed straight for the shower. I cried. I was so happy. See, the smell of his smoke and glisten-y sweat (it's summer in Dallas) has all of the sudden become worse than death to my pregnant self. He was so sweet and then when he went out again, he made sure to deodorize himself as well as he could. Let me clarify, Bart himself doesn't stink it's just that now I'm pregged I have the skills of a bloodhound and I don't have the stomach to handle it.

This morning is BAD. I'm sick. I almost lost it on the way in to work but I made it. Barely.

Bart's boss talked with him about switching him to 1st shift! FINALLY! He's been working 3rd shift since March of '03. Oh happy day. It won't be until end of August or so - I'm just going to pray that something doesn't happen to change that between now and then.



Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Mental Capacity

I feel like my brain cells are on a slow burn. I really need to pick up a book or two and read again. I think I am just wasting away mentally. I'm under a bit of stress but other than that and the pregnancy, I'm not sure to what I should attribute my decline in brain activity. I think I'm just tired. Not in the sense that I need to take a nap, in the sense that life has been hard for the past 15 years and now I'm tired. I'm not balling up all of my experiences just to categorize them all as "hard" - just the Cliff Notes would read "life was hard". Waaaah. I make myself sick when I sound all whiney and "poor-me-ish". But the fact of the matter is... I'm tired. There are many, many people out there with "harder" lives than I have had.

So, I'm in a rut. I'm sick all day every day.

I'm apparently doing nothing for Bart at all anymore (besides annoying the living crap out of him). I think this is going to be a tough pregnancy. I never really did have to think about someone else's feelings when I was pregnant before - all I had to do was take care of myself. There was no one there to irritate except myself and I was too sick to care. I thought it would be easier with an actual husband there but what I'm finding is that it is challenging BECAUSE now I am sick AND I feel bad for being sick and feel bad that things make me sick and feel bad that I just want to lie around and feel bad that I'm not interested in sex much (hey wonder if that's because it feels like someone is standing on my boobs all day long with combat boots or maybe it's because I'm afraid I'll actually vomit during sex or worse and wouldn't that be nice?) let alone I'm just scared because Bart is well-endowed and banging the crap out of my cervix is kind of a scary concept for me right now. Don't think that an orgasm is worth losing a baby over. He really tries to be gentle but things in there just feel different right now plus I'm not exactly at my pinnacle of feeling sexy these days.

DON'T GET ME WRONG - I WOULD NEVER PREFER BEING ALONE TO BEING WITH MY FAVORITE PIRATE IN THE WHOLE WORLD. I love him and I just have to try to be more considerate of him all the while needing to vomit, growing a baby, stretching to 3 times my size, etc.

I love Bart with all of my heart. I didn't think I would have to get HIM through this pregnancy as much as I thought he would get ME through it. And I'm sure he will be the one to get me through it. I'm just confused. Not that he hasn't been mostly great - he has - but we're only at the beginning of this thing and I distinctly get the impression that he is "over" this whole not feeling well thing I've got going on. This is not even the 1/2 of it and I don't know how to tell him that I need his support more than I need air.

I have to figure out a way to be more understanding of where he's coming from too. I don't even know where to start (because why? because I feel like twice-baked garbage and really am presently concerned with keeping those saltines down that I ate a few minutes ago and staying awake at my desk until 6pm). But, I digress, I must figure out a way to be attentive to his needs while also being vomitously ill and completely exhausted from growing a kid.

Ok, chalk this post up to mood swing # 132 of this pregnancy. I love my Bart. I love my baby. I love my other babies. This too shall pass.


Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Kind of green...

That's been the feeling of the week. Kind of icky green. I am fighting with some nausea and woozy kind of feelings but I'm fighting it as hard as I can. Ginger ale, pretzels, peppermints, and motion sickness bands. Please God let this be an easy pregnancy! I did nothing but lie around all weekend. We got some second hand DVD's - my favorite was About Schmidt - good movie. We did go out once and saw Troy. Pretty good WAY too long. Well, that's all for now.