Sunday, August 23, 2009

Wherever I go, there I am....

I have had a complicated life. I blame this on no one but myself. Now, I find myself at an intersection and I have yet another choice to make. Down one path, familiarity, deep feelings, a test of trust. Down the other path, the unknown...

So, what to do?

I don't know.

I think I will just "hold" for now and check back in later.

I went to an Al-anon meeting yesterday. A big one with a really great speaker. She spoke of always having a hole in who she was that needed filled and how she filled it with people and things that were detrimental to her own good. It sounded familiar. I, like so many others, love this kind of person. They "NEED" me. I can "HELP" them. And then, what of me? Who helps me?

It's a good question. Is there a good answer?

Just hanging on... barely.


Friday, January 16, 2009

In spite of a bad haircut....

Alright. It's January. (Deep cleansing breath.)

I rejoined WW. Apparently, I got a little carried away the last part of 2008. I'm not even going to beat myself up about that. I needed something for God's sake. But, now it's time to kick my ass again. I fully intend to look fabulous by my 35th birthday. (In spite of the bad bad haircut I got a few weeks back which required fixing, which in turn means I have a lot less hair than I'd like.) So, yes, the goal is lookin' good by 35.

Also, I'm stepping out in faith here by saying the next thing. I really need to be able to say this and not have everything yanked out from under me as a result....

I'm happy. Shhhhhh....

I'm feeling pretty darn good. The house is clean (my house is ALWAYS an outward reflection of my inner state so messy house = miserable me). Bart is doing well; both in terms of his sobriety and his therapy. I've found some dear friends who were lost to me over the decades. I'm not doing something I hate. I'm making myself do things I've always intended to do but never did. I'm feeling....happy. So, universe, I expect that this should keep going this way. I don't want any hairpin turns from you. Understood?

In a new state,

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Two thousand and nine

I have decided to emerge from the cave. If you know me, you know what "cave mode" is. Anyways, I'm alive and I'm ready to stretch my legs and walk around a bit.

I read a quote, a not-so-very-profound quote. It read, "we are but the sum of our choices". True.

Anyone that really knows me, in addition to knowing what "cave mode" is, knows a few things about me:

1. I have things I want to do
2. If I think I may not succeed it is likely that I haven't tried to do them yet

Well, that's what I'm hoping to change, at least in some respects, this year.

As a matter of fact...

I, gulp, sent off a few stories to some kids magazines. Actually mailed them.

I expect to hear nothing. When I go a couple of more weeks and still hear nothing, I will send off some more.

Once I finally get some things published in the magazine, I will think about an actual book.

Once upon a time, no one knew who Dr. Seuss was. Not that I am thinking that far ahead, it's just true.

Thanks for letting me hibernate for a while. But thanks for letting me know that you cared. I care back.

And hey, I am so proud of you. Really.

I'll keep you "posted".