Tuesday, December 20, 2005

We interrupt this list...

I've edited this post because the original was a bit more melodramatic than necessary.

I was young and foolish once upon a time. I slept with a married man. I became angry with him when I realized he was sleeping with others and his home life was not bad as he had portrayed it. In later years, his life went down the drain - he was doing drugs, etc. I was kind of happy. I carried a lot of bitterness toward him. I just found out he hung himself. I guess death makes a grudge entirely useless. I forgive you SM. I hope you have found the peace that eluded you here. God bless your family.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Random Facts

I'm going to try to see if I have 100 Random Facts about me... I thought I couldn't think of five so I decided to challenge myself.

1. I was born in Johnson City, TN.
2. I lived there until I was 10.
3. My mother and father divorced when I was one.
4. I never remember living with him.
5. My mother remained single until 2 months before we moved to Texas.
6. I have 1 older brother that is 36, twin half brother and sister that are 17, and a baby half brother that is 15.
7. My dad always had money and nice things.
8. We never did.
9. I had to work hard to forgive that.
10. I once had to wear plastic bags over my shoes because I didn't have snowboots.
11. My mother is the truest, best person I have ever met.
12. My maternal grandmother is the reason why.
13. Stacia is tied for 3rd.
14. I love Stacia more than some of my family members.
15. I remember what she wore on the first day of school. It was an olive green skirt with a tropical looking short sleeve shirt with earrings that look like bronze shields with a bronze feather looking thing hanging off of them and boots. (I bet she still has them)
16. We bonded through difficulty.
17. I wouldn't trade her for any amount of money. Literally.
18. I got my GED because I was too lazy to finish the TWO credits I had left - a language and an elective.
19. I regret that.
20. I doubt my ability to learn a language.
21. I regret not planning my pregnancies.
22. But would not trade the experience of birthing, raising, and loving my babies for anything in the world.
23. I regret compromising myself for the sake of a so-called relationship, time and time again.
24. I think I'm getting dumber every year.
25. I want to change that desperately.
26. I'm scared to death of getting fat.
27. I would do anything to prevent it.
28. I think my mom could have avoided being ill just by taking better care of herself.
29. I think my stepmom was ultimately a better match for my dad.
30. Even though he was sleeping with her when married to my mom.
31. Sometimes it seems I'm a bit more like my stepmom than my mom.
32. That's both bad and good.
33. I always wanted to stay home with my kids.
34. I finally got what I wanted.
35. Now I want more.
36. I am disappointed with myself about that.
37. I am also relieved that I feel that way.
38. I have an unshakeable faith in God.
39. And virtually no faith in the people that believe in Him.

I'll be back to finish this later.... baby is crying.


Friday, December 09, 2005

Still Alive...

I was in my cave for a while. A little delayed postpartum depression or something remotely related to it. I am doing much better, having emerged from aforementioned cave. While I was in my cave, Francesca got her 2nd tooth one week after the first tooth, she learned to clap, she learned to dance, she learned to wave. She is awesome. In other cave news, Bart got a fabulous new job. He was hired to program but unfortunately hasn't been able to do much of that yet - he is concerned about that but hopefully once the dust settles, he will get to do what he was hired to do. The money is a lot better so that is nice too. We both joined a gym and I have started doing Pilates - which completely kicks my ass. A lot harder than I thought it would be! Love it though. Came out of cave just in time for holiday chaos. Yippee. Anyways, just a post to say hello.