...and a Happy New Year

It's the end of another year. For me this year has been terrible and wonderful, full of growth and introspection. I feel aged after this one, that is for certain. It was the year I turned 30, but that is not what aged me. I lost my ideal and found it all at once. I hurt at the hands of the person I love the most and then had to come to realize that I had a role in my own pain after all. I set myself aside and found that in doing so, that was where my fulfillment had to ultimately come from. I proved to myself that I was stronger than I thought, a better person than I had been previously and that in spite of a shattered spirit, broken heart, and disturbed mind, I could, if necessary, put one foot in front of the other and proceed forward. I learned how to swallow great mouthfuls of pain because what I really wanted was to move past it. I learned that in moving past it, there comes healing in smaller bite sized chunks. I learned to fight for what was most important and to leave the lesser battles alone when at all possible. I learned to take risks when the rewards mean enough. I learned that the odds aren't always stacked against me and even when they are, sometimes I can still beat them, but for the grace of God. I learned that I have all I need and that is all that matters. I learned a lot in 2004.

I face forward into 2005 and pray for less tumult, for peace in our home, for joy in our hearts. I pray for health for my family, for patience to surpass my frustrations, for the desire to search out the beauty in the midst of chaos. I pray for contentment without complacency, for wisdom without conceit. I pray that I will learn just as much this coming year as I did last year, but please God, without the agony, if at all possible. I pray that I never forget the hard learned lessons of the past and that I never take for granted the ones I hold dear.

Happy New Year.

Camille