Plan B

I went to Planned Parenthood today to pick up Plan B and I can't even tell you how grateful I am that it is so readily available. I am in absolute favor of it being OTC. I think if it were kept behind the counter with a required consult with the pharmacist, that would make sense.

It is not a primary form of birth control, but it is so nice to not have to worry needlessly about an untimely pregnancy occurring when your primary form of contraceptive fails. To me it's a miracle.

This is the second time that I have had occasion to use this. The first was about 5 or so years ago and I was going through Arizona on business the night after my hubby and I had a condom break. I called the ER as it was late and spoke to a nurse who snidely told me that they don't kill babies there. No, I'm not kidding. I went anyways and the doctor, in fact, did prescribe Plan B for me and was shocked to hear what the nurse had said. What if I had been 16? I would have been devastated by the nurses comment and probably would have done nothing. I might have then become pregnant, etc.

This time was smooth... and I am thankful.

Camille

Never make the time...

I hate how I've let my blog gather dust but I just never seem to make the time. When I don't have a kiddo underfoot, I just have other things I'm doing. Where to begin... the baby has 5 teeth now and her 6th just cut through the gum. She is walking more and more but crawling is still her primary mode of travel. She says bye-bye, hi, boo (for blue), eyes, shoes, wow, yes, and most recently what sounds a lot like no. She points at everything she wants us to name or get for her. Her biggest news is that she sleeps! in her own bed! all night long! without waking up! and she is weaned completely. That means that mommy gets to start Wellbutrin again as soon as she can get insurance. The angels sing. Wellbutrin... good stuff. The hubby and I had been going through a rough spot - lots of screaming, fighting, and name calling (that one was his). I'm hoping it has all passed. Let's see... what else? Oh, I turned 32. Big whoopdeedoo. I'm old. Hate that. But hey, I'm younger than I ever will be again, right? Morgan got the part as lead diva in her school play. Jake will play a rapping weed in his. They are both duly excited and I am excited to see them do it. I am wanting to start school again. I get easily frustrated when trying to find a school that will meet my scheduling constraints and not leave us in the poorhouse to boot. What else? Guess that's about it. Exciting life I lead huh? Well, gotta run. Kid about to be underfoot again.

Camille

Baby update...

Francesca got her 4th tooth in today. Her 3rd came in the 1st week of January. She stands on her own frequently now and she took her first step on February 2nd but hasn't taken another since then. She says "buh-bye", "zes" for yes, nods and shakes her head. She is a genius, that baby of ours. :o) She will be one on the 17th. Hard to believe!

We interrupt this list...

I've edited this post because the original was a bit more melodramatic than necessary.

I was young and foolish once upon a time. I slept with a married man. I became angry with him when I realized he was sleeping with others and his home life was not bad as he had portrayed it. In later years, his life went down the drain - he was doing drugs, etc. I was kind of happy. I carried a lot of bitterness toward him. I just found out he hung himself. I guess death makes a grudge entirely useless. I forgive you SM. I hope you have found the peace that eluded you here. God bless your family.

Random Facts

I'm going to try to see if I have 100 Random Facts about me... I thought I couldn't think of five so I decided to challenge myself.

1. I was born in Johnson City, TN.
2. I lived there until I was 10.
3. My mother and father divorced when I was one.
4. I never remember living with him.
5. My mother remained single until 2 months before we moved to Texas.
6. I have 1 older brother that is 36, twin half brother and sister that are 17, and a baby half brother that is 15.
7. My dad always had money and nice things.
8. We never did.
9. I had to work hard to forgive that.
10. I once had to wear plastic bags over my shoes because I didn't have snowboots.
11. My mother is the truest, best person I have ever met.
12. My maternal grandmother is the reason why.
13. Stacia is tied for 3rd.
14. I love Stacia more than some of my family members.
15. I remember what she wore on the first day of school. It was an olive green skirt with a tropical looking short sleeve shirt with earrings that look like bronze shields with a bronze feather looking thing hanging off of them and boots. (I bet she still has them)
16. We bonded through difficulty.
17. I wouldn't trade her for any amount of money. Literally.
18. I got my GED because I was too lazy to finish the TWO credits I had left - a language and an elective.
19. I regret that.
20. I doubt my ability to learn a language.
21. I regret not planning my pregnancies.
22. But would not trade the experience of birthing, raising, and loving my babies for anything in the world.
23. I regret compromising myself for the sake of a so-called relationship, time and time again.
24. I think I'm getting dumber every year.
25. I want to change that desperately.
26. I'm scared to death of getting fat.
27. I would do anything to prevent it.
28. I think my mom could have avoided being ill just by taking better care of herself.
29. I think my stepmom was ultimately a better match for my dad.
30. Even though he was sleeping with her when married to my mom.
31. Sometimes it seems I'm a bit more like my stepmom than my mom.
32. That's both bad and good.
33. I always wanted to stay home with my kids.
34. I finally got what I wanted.
35. Now I want more.
36. I am disappointed with myself about that.
37. I am also relieved that I feel that way.
38. I have an unshakeable faith in God.
39. And virtually no faith in the people that believe in Him.

I'll be back to finish this later.... baby is crying.

Camille

Still Alive...

I was in my cave for a while. A little delayed postpartum depression or something remotely related to it. I am doing much better, having emerged from aforementioned cave. While I was in my cave, Francesca got her 2nd tooth one week after the first tooth, she learned to clap, she learned to dance, she learned to wave. She is awesome. In other cave news, Bart got a fabulous new job. He was hired to program but unfortunately hasn't been able to do much of that yet - he is concerned about that but hopefully once the dust settles, he will get to do what he was hired to do. The money is a lot better so that is nice too. We both joined a gym and I have started doing Pilates - which completely kicks my ass. A lot harder than I thought it would be! Love it though. Came out of cave just in time for holiday chaos. Yippee. Anyways, just a post to say hello.

Four years...

Happy Anniversary Bart! I don't think there is much I could add to the sentiment expressed in this old email that Bart wrote to me back when we had just reached our 2nd anniversary. We've come a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way since then. Had a few really, really bad times and many beautiful times as well. Thank you for being such a wonderful father to our kids, our new precious angel included and thank you for pouring yourself, mind, body, and soul, into supporting your family. You have made this family a better entity and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you and all of the burden you have taken on yourself so that I can be home with our kids. I'll add it to the list of things I love about you.

Here is the email that Bart sent me for Anniversary # 2:

hey girl,
do you remember what it was like when you and i got married? we both lost
our jobs and we were broke. our bills piled up and we got behind on them. i
worked at (job mentioned) for 14 hours a day and didn't get paid for it. i was so
scared. then, i worked at (another job mentioned) making $9 an hour. you had to go to your
new job and work 10 hours a day. it was like whoever we were as individuals
was torn away in one swoop and we had to come together as one person to make
it through. my ego had to take a nose dive before you and i could do
anything together. working at (previously mentioned jobs) certainly took care
of that. then, i got fat. i had to figure out, with your help, that maybe
there was more to me than i thought there was before. i was a nice, loving
person. i could care about other people. i could be depended on. i could
make it through a tough situation with the use of common sense and planning
and not just on luck. i have learned to trust you more than i have ever
trusted anyone in my life. i am learning more and more everyday that there
is no ME anymore, it is US. you have helped me become a productive,
dependable, and good person.
we have come a long way since october 14, 2001. we have still, a long way to
go. i don't love money, i love you, jake and morgan. no matter how
prosperous we get, i always want to remember that. you guys are the reason i
study all night long. i want you to be able to stay home with the kids so
badly. i kind of close my mental eyes on what the odds are of me being paid
a six-figure income in the next 5 years. i just chug along like the little
engine that could and keep my hopes up.
you and i are still babies when it comes to this marriage thing. i do think
that we have our priorities straight though. i have seen couples who care
more about possessions, dirt biking, drinking, and various other things than
they do about each other. they would deny that they are like that, but if
you took away those things that they think are so important like their boat,
dirt bikes, drinking, etc, they would not know what to do with each other.
you and i could probably just rub on each other all day long and talk. we
are each other's entertainment.
i still love you so much. i love you more than i did 2 years ago. i love
your beautiful smile, your wonderful laugh, the way you wear my t-shirts,
the way your skin smells, your little perfect ears, your beautiful
earth-colored eyes, your big beautiful feet, and the way you pucker your
lips when you are looking in the mirror. you are so incredible that i cannot
fully describe you to anyone. you are my jewel.

hubby

I'm still so in love with you Bart. I'm the luckiest woman alive.

Camille

We have a tooth!!!

Tooth number 1 cut through the gum on Thursday, Oct. 6th! May be time to re-evaluate breastfeeding.... ouch.

Baby Update

Since I NEVER remember to write anything in a baby book, this is kind of my journal for keeping track of what Francesca is up to. She is almost 7.5 months old now and loves to eat Gerber Sweet Potato snacks - they look like cereal. She has no teeth yet but still will eat just about anything. She drinks from a sippy cup now but not the no-spill kind - I guess she likes the water to drip out a little into her mouth and in BIG news... she says Da-Da. She has also entered her clingy phase - it's "all momma all the time" around here lately. I'm also so happy because last night she slept for 4 hours in her crib! We're co-sleepers and when she sleeps with me she will sleep all night. I'm trying to break the co-sleeping thing gradually because she is a big old bed hog now. So for phase one I put her down for the night in her crib and then when she wakes up bring her to bed. Usually she sleeps for only 1 to 2 hours before she wakes up. So, this was a nice little change. Well, that's all for now!

Digital memories...

I love our digital camera. The only thing I dislike about it is that I NEVER get any images printed out. I love our mini-movies on the digital camera but never go back and look at them. Well, I did that tonight. Looked back at the movies and pics from Bart's graduation, when little 'Cesca was just confirmed to be in my belly. I wasn't even showing yet to the untrained eye. Bart is so very entertaining in every movie I catch him in and it reminds me of why I love him. He's an extension of me and I love how we are so comfortable with each other. Looked at all the pics from the Phoenix trip, from Christmas time last year when my belly was oh so big, etc. My children are wonderful, all of them, Jake is crazy and sweet as sugar. Morgan is so dramatic and sincere. I adore my family. What a wonderful bunch I have. Looked at pics from the hospital, from 'Cesca's first bath. I had a wonderful waltz down memory lane. Sigh. So in love with my family right now.

Uber Bitch

That's me. I am generally angry this past week and I can't figure why. It's been a long, long time since I have been so easily irritated. Have to snap myself out of it, Bart and I aren't getting along well. I can't wait for everything to be ideal or even better to start being nicer. Got to break out my Dr. Laura book again I guess. Sigh.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho...

I'm hoping that the lyrics to this tune don't become a reality for me. We keep having to dip into our savings each month and I worry that I may have to go back to work. I have so enjoyed being home with the kids that I would just hate to go back at this point. I don't know how much longer we can keep operating on a deficit though. Money has become a touchy subject with me and Bart. He requires money for cigarettes and breakfast everyday. Doesn't sound like much but it adds up. We argue. I want to reduce spending - he wants me off of his back. Seems like there is only one solution in the long run. Ideally he would get a job that he has worked so hard for and this would be a non-issue. That job is proving increasingly elusive the more and more we want it. It's a bitch. I don't know how else to put it. It wouldn't be the end of the world for me to go back to work - just not what Bart and I want. Oh well.

She's Ba-ack.........

My dearest friend in the world, weary world traveler Stacia, is back in the land of Cheese and thus, to the land of Blog. So glad to have her back on the same continent again.

The Secret Life of Bees

I just finished reading "The Secret Life of Bees" by Sue Monk Kidd. I enjoyed the book - I mostly enjoyed the themes it entailed: strength of women and racial equality.

A blurb about this book from suemonkkidd.com:

In this New York Times bestseller, a young girl’s search for the truth about her mother leads her to three beekeeping sisters who take her into their mesmerizing world of bees and honey and of a mysterious Black Madonna. A novel about mothers and daughters and the women in our lives who become our true mothers. A story about the divine power of women and the transforming power of love.

Cat Camp

That was the name of the middle school orientation that I took my eldest to today. I felt oddly stirred by the fact that she is growing up. I looked around at the company she will be keeping, sat and listened about dances, football games, and watched her as she flitted about talking to any willing audience and I know, she will be just fine. I had a "passing the torch" kind of feeling. As I got back in the car I glanced in my mirror and noticed the circles under my eyes are a little darker. The crow's feet are a little more noticeable and I am letting it sink in that there is no going back.

My baby.

Big sigh.

The Rule of Four

Just finished "The Rule of Four" by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason and I really, really enjoyed it. The first few chapters were a little hard to push through but then it hooked me until the end. The end may have been a little cliche - ending the way the reader would want it to end but... I'm glad anyways - now I want to read the sequel but there is no sequel.

Here's a blurb written by the publisher about my latest read:

"Princeton. Good Friday, 1999. On the eve of graduation, two students are a hairsbreadth from solving the mysteries of the Hypnerotomachia Poliphili, a Renaissance text that has baffled scholars for centuries. Famous for its hypnotic power over those who study it, the five-hundred-year-old Hypnerotomachia may finally reveal its secrets - to Tom Sullivan, whose father was obsessed with the book, and Paul Harris, whose future depends on it. As the deadline looms, research has stalled - until an ancient diary surfaces. What Tom and Paul discover inside shocks even them: proof that the location of a hidden crypt has been ciphered within the pages of the obscure Renaissance text." Armed with this final clue, the two friends delve into the bizarre world of the Hypnerotomachia - a world of forgotten erudition, strange sexual appetites, and terrible violence. But just as they begin to realize the magnitude of their discovery, Princeton's snowy campus is rocked: a longtime student of the book is murdered, shot dead in the hushed halls of the history department."

If I am missing...

it would be because I am locked up in Dallas county. I received a citation for failure to pay a toll for $190.... FROM 1999!!!!! WHAT???? I'm pissed because I know EXACTLY what this is for - I had gotten a new car and didn't know I was supposed to let the NTTA know that my old tolltag was now in my new car. SO, I was charged and then I contacted NTTA and they said they took care of it. So, there is no proof, nadda. Guess they got me because how am I going to contest something that happened in 1999????? Grrrrrr....

Borgfest '05

In other happy news...

Borgfest '05 has begun. This year the festival is being held at the Grand Opening of the Frisco Ikea - TODAY. I think I'll wait for the masses to clear in about a year or so before I go and partake of inexpensive Swedish meatballs AND furniture.

I'm just jealous because I have social anxiety disorder and would skitz out in the crowds. I'd be there otherwise - you know I would.

Destruction: Self and Otherwise

A person that I know well who shall remain nameless in order to protect the less than innocent: well, he is destructive. Less so than before, but still destructive. Case in point is this: car wouldn't start, someone tried to talk him down from the "ledge" by stating that "these things happen", this someone then dented the roof of his car and kicked in the wheel well a bit. The "silver lining" bit having failed, the witness to all this madness turned on her heel and went back in the house to leave the destructive person to his own little rant.

Sigh.

Camille

Baby Bunnies

Bart was mowing the lawn on Sunday and mowed OVER baby bunnies. He didn't notice them until he mowed over them and since their mommy was a good bunny and had dug a nice little hole for them, they are all just fine. Cute little buggers. Awfully cute. We looked up bunny baby stuff online and learned that bunny moms only come back once each night for about 5 minutes to nurse their babies. They're so cute and that kind of made me sad to think that's all the mommy love they get. Bart said that the mommy is probably off making more babies. Yep, probably.

Camille