Thursday, December 13, 2007


Is there something wrong with me? Why is my life consistently filled with stress? As it is not in my nature to be victimized I have to assume it is me, my choices, that always bring me back here. Maybe at this point I have to learn how to relax, to take things as they come, and all the other cliches that go along with being well-balanced. But how? I'm thinking I need medication. Seriously. I am already on anti-depressants. Years of trauma (again, of my own choosing) have altered the chemicals in my head. I know I NEED the anti-depressants because I know what I am like when I quit taking them. Boy, do I spiral fast. I haven't ever taken an anti-anxiety medication but I'm thinking I NEED it too. Because baths don't work. Deep breaths don't work. Counting my blessings doesn't work. I'm just stressed out. Do I have legitimate things going on that are contributing to this stress? Sure. But I can't, or am unwilling to, change them. I am taking a break next term from classes because I have been a mess this term. The workload was ridiculous and my work is not easily accomplished with a 2 year old climbing on my head. That might help me considerably - a break. The house is in disarray because my schoolwork has literally been all consuming. Anyways, guess I'm just trying to figure myself out here.